During the experience I have learned that there are some people who will never really understand the concept of being a friend….not friendship… but really being a friend.  Being single is far lonelier than one can ever imagine…especially after a 4 year stint.  Drinking can make a person feel better for a while.  School…no ,ater what kind it is…is going to be hard.  Sadness is always a harder emotion to walk through than anger or any other.  Brown compliments my skin better than black…but black is slimming, classic and the only choice for my current dress code.

Well…it is time to rinse out my chocoholic and perhaps head off to bed.

i have realized i don’t really like the city, mostly because it is a pretty lonely place and i really miss my friends and home in olympia. thankfully this is just a two year situation.

these are my early days…while i was still commuting from olympia.

now i live here in the city and i know there will be pictures to chronicle my learning and i will be so happy with the end results.

i’ll start with the sucky parts, because all people like to hear the good news last…

i have no friends near by
i hear sirens all the time
we travel to do laundry
i miss so many people
people bitch all the time at school
most of the complainers are huge slackers
i STILL cant find a job
i miss stephanie so so so much
blah blah blah

THE GOOD NEWS

i have less than a year to graduation
i am on the fast track to stage cutting
i love my new brown hair
stephanie and i will come out of this stronger and closer than ever before
i will have a career that fits me and makes me happy
i have a roof over my head and food in my belly
my heart beats every day
i have wonderful friends, including lois, sara, jennifer, diana, leslie, my mother, jeanette and so many more
i long for the old days a little less each day
i realize the love of my so called savior a little more each day
my box has a wider square footage day by day
i learn something new every time i blink
our apartment is now livable during the sleeping hours
the sirens dont bother me anymore
i remember often that soon enough i will have my washer and dryer back…i will survive
the days seem to be getting used to me
this list is growing longer and longer the more i think
my mom is my best friend…along with others
lois hears me…even when i am sure she doesnt want to because i am not who she expected or wanted me to be
someone’s computer works so i can write this blog
this list will continue to grow because i breathe and know that the future will continue to get better because i believe

Stephanie is gone at least two nights a weeks which leaves me to the following:

A frequent dinner.  we call it pumped up salad.  This particular version includes light lettuce, beets, bean sprouts, black beans, snap peas, orance and yellow peppers, carrots, avocado and cheese with a lemon juice and pepper. The night I enjoyed this I was all alone.  It would have tasted better with company, but it definitely nourished my body.

Our new apartment takes up 600 sq feet in ten story city block building.  We are smack in the middle on the 5th floor…between the elevator and stair well.  Love the quite surroundings within the building, but rarely meet people in our comings and goings.

Getting settled in leaves a sense of unstability…but the adventure is amazing.

I now live in Portland, and am hoping to get some very interesting pictures and stories while I am here for the next two years.

I am back in school…Paul Mitchell it is this time.

I feel better now…perhaps I will keep up this time.

Let’s see…I am starting a new adventure in a few days…COSMETOLOGY SCHOOL!!! I am very excited.  For various reasons, I have not been working or in school for the last year and a couple months.  It was really nice in the beginning.  I got a lot of projects done and trained to cute puppies to be less than horribly behaved. They are actually pretty good.  The only thing I really have left to break them of is their exciteablitly…which should lessen some once they hit the two year mark.  Meet Ginny…short for Ginerva…and Bellatrix.  They are so sweet and a great source of entertainment.  These pictures are fairly old…I figured I would show what we started with. Plus…they don’t sit so still these days and are not big fans of the camera.

This is them cudding…they were quite cute.

Here they are sharing a big natural bone.  Totally grosses me out…but they love them and the bone keeps them occupied for the longest time.  It even distracts them when people come calling…for the most part.

Anyway…on with the last year catch up so I can keep up on this blog.  Along with the girls, I got in to photoshop.  It is so much fun! Visit marcellabella.wordpress.com to see some of my creations. 

I also started my own business as a consultant for Passion Parties Inc., which is great.  I love the freedom that comes with running my own business, but have chosen to put it on the back burner to go back to school…which is the big news right now…as you know from the start of this entry.

I will be attending Paul Mitchell the School in Portland.  When I am done I will be able to do everything related to body and beauty.  Cuts, color, style,  chemical treatment, make-up, waxing, body wraps, mud treatment, mani/pedicure, acrylic/silk nails, basic massage and more.  Many people were suprised that I have decided to make such a drastic change in direction after gaining such extensive formal education, but most are excited and see Cosmetology as a perfect fit for me.  I think…scratch that…know it is going to be fabulous.  I have always been the creative kind, and fought against the constrictions of the so called “professional” career choices.  I am extremely ready to jump in with both feet and create looks that meet peoples needs for personal expression. I will be in Portland five days a week, which will be hard, but well worth the outcome. 

That’s all folks!  At least for now.  I am determined to be back.

It was Stephanie’s turn to chose what to read and with a little pressure from me, she chose The Shack.  It is all the rage right now.  It was suggested by my best of best friends Lois.  She didn’t warn me. Within the first three pages of the foreward I felt tears welling up in my eyes.  At that moment I decided to read without emotion.  I would not allow tears, anger, or laughter.  I was almost successful.  So many questions ran through my mind.  They are still running and I am trying to catch up.  I think that will take some time and perhaps a friend or two to think them through.  I started the book around 7:30 or so last night.  I couldn’t put it down.  Finally at two I had to allow myself some sleep since the kids would be at the house at ten to eight.  I tried to sleep.  When I woke I cursed myself because I had denied myself some much needed sleep, but I had to finish the book.  I only had 30 or pages to go.  Half an hour at most.

I am not quite sure if I like the book.  Perhaps I shall decide later.  I know that I will read it one more time, and give room for emotions to be expressed.  This was the first time I had ever denied myself to laugh, rage or cry during a book, so I think I need to read it again and allow myself to feel.  Then perhaps I will know whether I like it.  A good book always evokes emotion.

Today I am tired.  But I will read again after some sleep and get back to you.

It has been so long since I last wrote and I feel like my head is swimming. it is like I cannot even remember what has happened since the last time I wrote.  We went to Dave Matthew’s at the Gorge…it was a blast.  I spent the night at my very besties this past weekend, and I realized that there are times when I miss being 14-20 years old.  Don’t get me wrong, my life is good and I have no complaints, but there was something extrodinary about that time in my life.  I was happy…always.  I was connected…to many.  I was driven…with a purpose.  I was nieve…as I should have been.  Anyway, life is good now and I have to remember to be thankful for the memories, livining in the now, and expectant for the future.

I think the issue that is really on my heart is friendship.  I have learned that she really is my friend.  I have often wondered if I were more of an obligation or something of the sort, I know for sure deep in my heart that she is a true friend.  She values me and cares about my future.  This realization means more than anyone could ever know because a friend so true is rare and precious.

I have a few very good friends.  Those I can count on for anything and I trust with my world.  Then there are those who have put on the front of friendship, but only work at it when things are easy. As soon as any conflict arises they run or point fingers. I know I am not perfect.  I can be selfish, arrogant and sometimes mean.  I am human.  But I am always willing to admit my faults and do what I can to to make things right.  Why is it then that at every point in my life I have at least one friend who is incapable of being an adult…admitting their faults, taking responsibility and giving back to friendships even when it is hard?

I am too old for it. I have goals and dreams that do not include meaningless relationships, or friendship that do nothing but suck it out of me.  That is in my control and I move on.

it always takes a hundred shots to get a couple good ones, but i think these are really cute.

sara and ray came up this weekend for two reasons…to have a good time with us and to build a fence.  our dogs love having a backyard to run free in.

so the weekend starts.  ray and sara show up with audrey and we have a few drinks. saturday was the kick of fence building and ray ran into some problems with the posts, but everything turned out okay.  two days, several trips to lowes and a full bottle of jack later we have a fence.

anyway, i love cooking.  never realized it before but i truly enjoy twisting recipes and creating something new.  so i have been working on the hungry man’s breakfast.  i have added peppers, and different spices to the base of ham, onions and eggs. 

it was a few minutes to 9 and a realized i was really hunry because i hadn’t really eaten yet today.  what was my default meal for the night….sure was hungry man’s.  i pulled out everything i needed.  got everything cooked and then went to add the eggs.  i wanted to swear, we only had 4 left. thankfully our big move two weeks ago landed us no more than 3 minutes from the westside safeway. so into my car i climbed.  i bought eggs and begals (5 dozen eggs for $9 and begals for $3). when i got to the line there was this girl freaking out about something she “just had to have”.  i couldn’t help laugh. 

anyway, there really was no point to any of this, except to say i sure am glad that safeway is open so late…and for hungry man’s breakfast.  my tummy is full and it took little effort.  i think tomorrow i will create a marinade for some spareribs…have to cook a couple decent meals this weekend to thank ray for building us a fence.

i just realized i am a little sad…travis and stephanie finished off the food before i could take a pic for the blog.  guess i’ll have to post the pic on saturday.

happy eating…or restful slumber.